Morning, can’t say if it’s good or not.

Maybe I can, I am alive so I can’t complain. Therefore, a good morning indeed.

This is the first time I’ve typed a post straight out.

I crave to tell my man everything, every move, decision, outcome, feeling. I have come to realize (not the first time) that it is just too much to put on one person.

Especially coming from someone like me. My brain is such a handful.

So here I am, talking to no one and to everyone.

My mornings go about the same, but I want that to change. I do enjoy slow mornings but things have been too slow for too long now.

I speak with my sisters about changing, getting better and back to ourselves.

It reminds me, it’s winter, everyone feels this way. The trees are bare, wind crisp, and the dead get all the flowers.

The sun is almost here though, everyone is hanging on to that little light.

Yesterday I felt alive,

thanks

sun.

Working out has made me feel more dead than alive lately.

I hope that changes. I wake every morning and don’t know where to start.

I can’t have plans, because plans don’t ever work out.

I can’t invite people because people always lie about what they want to do (like me).

No one wants to actually go climb a mountain to watch the sun-rise/set everyday with a melted cheese, ham and Doritos sandwich. White American Cheese of course, like my mom used to make when they took us on vacation. And the cheese melts during the day. The absolute best. I had a few of those sandwiches last summer at the river. Man those were good days. If only my best friend wasn’t an addict, they would have been even better.

The only friend that wants to do these things won’t. He has his reasons (I guess, excuses?) like the drive. But mostly it’s just fear or whatever. I don’t know, I’m not him.

Loser.

I like being alone. I appreciate doing certain things alone. But I want to share and experience all the cool things with people I love, with people that love the things, even with people that don’t. I don’t know, but then someone approaches me and if I don’t like them or don’t care I am so dismissive. Oops.

I am motivated, but the lack of people that want to do these things always puts me in a low mood. I grew up sharing a room with three other siblings. I grew up playing team sports. I don’t know how to do things completely alone. I am changing that, but it still lingers some sadness in my heart.

Now, I’ll go jog alone, then take Kovu to climb.

Have a good day, remember the sun is coming! -me to me – me to everyone

It’s like this every morning, I don’t know what to do.